MY JOURNEY CONTINUES

Xerzan is the homeland of heroic women and young people, the homeland of Martyr Dilgêş, Martyr Pelîn, Martyr Roza, Martyr Argeş, Martyr Ararat, Martyr Avaşîn, Martyr Hêlîn and Martyr Dersîm.

That is why Xerzan is also my homeland, for I too became a part of the lives of these committed heroes. Xerzan is the place where I joined and where I lived my first experience of guerrilla life. I can say with complete peace of mind that Xerzan became everything to me. In the same way, I can say with confidence that Xerzan became my friend, my companion on the road and, many times, my mother. However far I walk, however far I move step by step from Xerzan, my heart will always remain there, beside those Martyrs. Sometimes I think deeply and let my thoughts travel far, bringing before my eyes, one by one, the days I left behind. I often ask myself how I left the mountains of Northern Kurdistan, the mountains of Xerzan, behind step by step and walked away. I often tell myself: if only I were in Xerzan at this moment. Whenever I hear that the Martyr comrades of Xerzan, whom I met on my very first day, have fallen, my heart trembles and I say: if only I had been with you and could have avenged you in that moment. With this longing and this anger, my face is always turned toward Xerzan; I want to return to Xerzan.

Whenever I think back and drift far away, my heart goes and pitches its tent in the Dersîm group, unable to leave that group. A thousand times I say: if only I could return to Xerzan with that group at this very moment. When I set out from Xerzan with the Dersîm group on the road to the South, I did not have much guerrilla experience. In that group, I witnessed hardship and difficulty, and I witnessed priceless companionship. I may now be in Heftanîn. I may be days away from those moments. I may be years away from them. Yet if I had the chance and could turn the days back, I would certainly go to that group and live the days with them again, fully, filled with life. Whenever I think of those days, I say: Comrade Feraşîn, Comrade Amara, Comrade Sema, Comrade Ronahî, Comrade Fîdan, where are you? My eyes are always searching for you. What would it be like if I could share with you this longing and love in my heart? Many times and on many nights, I filled my heart with the anger of vengeance and the fervor of victory, and in this way I joined myself to life. With this longing and anger in my heart, I pledge to follow your path and I say: Victory belongs to women who struggle and are free.

MY LIFE TAKES ON MEANING THROUGH YOUR FREEDOM, MOTHER

I know your eyes are always waiting for me, Mother. I know that every day you gaze at the images with the desire to see me. In my diary, I want to turn a few words into sentences for you and make my love for you part of history. Mother, my mother who is devoted to freedom. If you wish to see me, go to Xerzan; at this very moment hundreds of your daughters are dancing the dance of freedom there and struggling for freedom from moment to moment. If you go, it is impossible for you not to see me. If you wish to see your Stêra, look at all the women who resist and embrace them with all your heart and soul. Your daughter's name may change. Her color and stature may change, but in every body there lives the idea of a free life that your daughter Stêra embodies. Mother, there is no difference between me and my comrade; that is to say, all your daughters and sons are my comrades.

At times I remember my childhood. I hear in my ears your meaningful words that became a road map. You always told me: whichever road is right, take that road and never leave it. Those words of yours, which are like earrings in my ears, became the map of my life. Your words—‘be righteous, be honest and do not place anyone in difficulty’—became my foundation; because of them, I neither suffered hardship in taking my place in life nor caused anyone else to suffer it.

Mother, I have promised that one day I will return to you with a free country and a free life. Until that day, I cannot return. Many of my precious comrades grew and fell as martyrs. I promised those martyrs that I would avenge them and fulfill their dreams. I promised to make the seed of free life flourish everywhere and to offer its fruit to you as a gift. That is why I struggle for freedom every day, and why every day I prepare myself with equipment and weapons, and with the knowledge and philosophy of Leader APO. Mother, every day I look at myself and see how much I have grown. Yet I also know this: however old I become, in your eyes I will always be a little child. When I was with you, I was very shy, very pampered and very fearful. But now your daughter is filled with APOist will. That is why your daughter is neither shy nor afraid nor pampered. As I bring these sentences together for you, the excitement of freedom in my heart grows ever stronger and greater. My belief in freedom grows still stronger, causing me to wage my struggle with greater strength. With these final sentences, I once again express my love for you. In free and beautiful days, with a free country and a free life, I will turn my face toward Xerzan once more and embrace you in an endless embrace, with the scent of freedom.

WOMAN IS THE MEANING OF FREE LIFE

Woman is the foundation of free life. Woman is also the aspiration and light of humanity. Coming into the world as a woman, and especially struggling as a woman in these mountains, became for me a gateway to self-knowledge. However hard I try, as a woman of the mountains, to put into words my feelings toward life and struggle, I know that something will still remain unsaid. That is why, even if only in a few sentences, I want to write this feeling in my diary with the warmth of my heart. Before I knew the Leadership and the ideas of the Leadership, I knew that I was a woman only as a word. But now, with the passing of the years and through knowing Leader APO, I am reaching my own truth and the consciousness of being a woman. Through a priceless struggle, Leader APO brought the truth of us women to light. Today, as millions of women, we organize ourselves with the ideas and thought of Leader APO and carry forward the struggle for the freedom of free women. Leader APO says: the human being created with feeling and meaning is the strongest human being. I too want to create myself with meaning and an incomparable sensitivity, and to become worthy of my Leadership. If I accomplish this, only then can I become a militant who always crowns victory.

However far we may now be from our Leadership in terms of place—that is, physically—this is no obstacle to our struggle. The enemy that wanted to sever us from our Leadership did not achieve its aim; instead, this made our march with the Leadership even stronger. As a militant of Leader APO and a guerrilla of the PKK and PAJK, I make this pledge: until Leader APO is free, my struggle will not end. Until we physically free Leader APO, these women of the mountains will carry on this struggle without pause. With the passion and determination of this cause, I embrace you all in the spirit of an irreversible comradeship.